I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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