so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
