why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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