I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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