she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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