I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
