How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
