I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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