I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
