I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
