I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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