i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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