just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
