Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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