if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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