I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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