i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
