i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
