Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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