can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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