do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
