If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
