i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
