We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
