It's just like the Real World with babies
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
