Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
