you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can't turn off my feet"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
