I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
