mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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