i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
