I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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