he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
