I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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