Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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