I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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