My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
