my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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