I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
