we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
