If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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