chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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