I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
