Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My brain says no but my pants say off.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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