It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
