he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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