his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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