who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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