What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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