Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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