Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
