Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
