apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
