We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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