So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
