Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
