her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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