We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
