you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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