the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
