she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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